It does sound as if you are affected by all the messages out there, including from your mother, about getting pregnant when you don't want to be.

There are actually several things you might do that could possibly help. I usually suggest that people really become educated about how pregnancy can happen, but it sounds as if you are aware of these. It is actually not likely at all that pregnancy occurs unless intercourse or an ejaculation of sperm at the opening of the vagina occurs. Sperm is just way to fragile, or not present at all in the fluids. (For example, saliva is really harsh and would kill any sperm that might be in your partner's mouth).

One of the ways to be certain is to use a hormonal method of contraception, such as the patch or injection, which would then keep you from being pregnant from anything you might do. I know that you would not need it for intercourse, since I am presuming from what you said that you don't have it, but it would give you security from all these others sexual pleasuring activities that you enjoy with your boyfriend.

Of course, you could also stop doing anything with your boyfriend, but this is the time of your life when you are exploring relationships and being close sexually (and it doesn't have to be intercourse) is a good way to enjoy both the intimacy and the sexual exploring that our bodies sometimes crave. There is no reason you could be pregnant if you do lots of sexual touching with your clothes on. These ways limit the intimacy that you may feel with each other though.

If you don't be able to remove the paranoia by using methods of contraception that keep the egg from even being ovulated (all the hormonal ones work this way) then you may want to talk to someone who might be able to help you work through the paranoia. A counselor or therapist in a family planning center might be someone you feel you could approach.

The sad thing for me is that there will be a time when you will want to engage in full sexual exploration, and being pregnant won't be a concern. After all these months and years of worrying, it is hard to then enjoy the sexual activity and ignore the fears. I hope you will try to work on this now before this begins to occur.

Thanks for writing and feel free to ask more questions if you have them.

Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team