Answer: by Konstance McCaffree: (05/29/2004)
Thanks for a really good question. You know that I have answered similar ones on this site before, so I hope I can be reassuring.
I do understand about the fear of getting pregnant since I also had these fears. I am glad that you are educating yourself so that you can relax some and enjoy the safe intimacy with your boyfriend. AND it is SAFE.
Sperm is actually very fragile. Though each individual sperm has a tail, it doesn't mean it can swim well, and it certainly cannot push through clothing. Sperm is protected by the semen that it lives in once it is ejaculated out of the body, and though that semen may cause dampness on your clothing, unless it gets near the vagina on your skin, there really isn't any risk. It can't swim through clothing.
Even if your partner has precum from sexual excitement while you are hugging as you described it, you can't get pregnant either. There is no sperm in precum unless he just ejaculated and has not urinated in the past few minutes before. Precum which often causes a damp spot is designed to clean out the urethra before an ejaculation because when sperm comes through the acids from urine can kill it, thus precum is without sperm. It does contain disease organisms from STD's but that is only a concern if your partner has had other sexual partners that he has received the diseases from.
As far as fingering goes, him washing his hands before fingering you is an excellent way to prevent both germs and pregnancy. He can't possibly get you pregnant if he does that just before he touches you. I think they even have antibacterial cloths now that he could use so he doesn't have to get up and go to the sink. If he continues to keep his hands from touching any semen that he has ejaculated then there is no risk. Remember there isn't risk of pregnancy from precum! You can check these facts out in a book called Contraceptive Technology by Robert Hatcher, MD et al.
As far as reducing your worry, the more you know about your body, sexual arousal and what is healthy and what is risky, the more confident you should feel. Knowledge is power! I really encourage you to get any of the books written about sex so that you can learn as much as you can. Books such as Changing Bodies, Changing LIves (a book for teens written by the same authors who wrote Our Bodies Ourselves, which is also a great book) may be a good start.
Also, please feel free to write and ask me questions. I usually pick up my questions on this web site every few days. I'm on vacation now but still reading questions.Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
|