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Question:
I am a 22 years old. My wife and I have been
married for less than two years. She recently began taking
antidepressants for anxiety. As a result, her libido has all
but disappeared. Sex comes only once monthly (sometimes
two months). This has caused several arguments and hurt
feelings. She gets upset and I get frustrated. I know it is
not her fault, but I still feel as though she is rejecting me.
On top of that, I just physically want to make love to her.
She has said that she would stop taking the medication,
but it has had such a positive effect on her life in every
other aspect (she is much happier and less stressed). What
can I do?
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Answer:
by Joy Davidson: ()
I understand how frustrated you must feel, and I
want to assure you that you don’t have to give up the joy
of a sexually active relationship, nor does your wife have
to continue to struggle with debilitating anxiety. There are
other solutions, and by working closely with her doctor
(and perhaps a therapist, too) you and your wife will find a
way out of this dilemma. However, you should both
prepare to be patient and open minded. Finding the right
path takes time and experimentation.
You don’t say which medication she is taking, but I
gather she has been prescribed one of a class of
anti-depressants known as SSRI’s (selective serotonin
reuptake inhibitors) which are also used successfully to
treat certain forms of anxiety or panic disorder. These are
truly the “good news/bad news” drugs of the decade.
They do a bang up job of treating mood disorders, but
they can also give the patient and his or her partner a hell
of a kick in the libido.
There are a number of approaches used to counteract
the sexual side effects of drugs like Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil,
and a fairly new addition, Celexa. Changing to another
drug altogether is one way of coping. Since many
antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications act
differently upon brain chemistry than the SSRI’s, they are
less likely to affect desire and sensation. The
anti-depressants Wellbutrin, Remeron and Serzone are
better choices for many people with depression. Wellbutrin
is often prescribed on it’s own or can be added to an SSRI
regimen to help revitalize sexual feeling. Serzone is often
prescribed independently for “anxious depression” and in
most cases is free of sexual side effects. And one fairly
new addition to the SSRI family, Luvox, appears to have
less impact on sexual functioning than other medications in
its class and is also prescribed for various anxiety
disorders.
In addition to Wellbutrin, certain other medications are
sometimes given in combination with SSRI’s as “antidotes”
to their sexual side effects. Your wife should discuss these
options with her doctor. If you're looking for a more
"natural" antidote, there's good news on the herbal front.
A smattering of recent clinical studies indicate that ginkgo
bilonba can in some cases reverse the sexual inhibition and
anorgasmia associated with SSRIs. However, you shouldn’t
go running to the health food store to snatch ginkgo off
the shelves. Your wife needs to discuss the idea with her
doctor, since this herbal remedy has side effects and
contraindications of its own.
When changing or adding medications does not work for
a patient as well as an SSRI alone, some doctors would
suggest they lower their dosages or take “drug holidays”.
A day or two break from an SSRI can reduce the amount
of medication in one’s system, allowing normal sexual
response to surface. The trick is finding a balance--the
right dosage or the optimum timing for a vacation to keep
clinical symptoms in check and sexual urges alive.
So far I’ve been talking about pharmaceutical
approaches to the sexual doldrums in your relationship.
However, let’s not forget that the source of a woman’s
desire is multi-faceted -- her spirit and her psyche propel
her toward or away from sexual involvement, too. So,
while your wife’s doctor “tweaks” her drug cocktail, don’t
forget to “tweak” your relationship by keeping the flame
of romance and sensuality burning brightly. Being close and
tender, even if not overtly sexual, can help you both ride
out this dry spell.Reviewed by: Kathleen VanKirk DHS
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