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Question:
I'm 19 years old and I've been having sex on a regular basis for about a year. I have no problem reaching orgasm through oral stimulation, but when my boyfriend and I have sex I have never been able to receive any pleasure from it at all. We have tried a variety of positions, sex toys, excersizes to strengthen muscles used during sex and even herbal libido boosters, but nothing is helping. Lately I haven't been producing as much lubercation as I used to. This seemed to start when I began taking birth control pills. Sex was sometimes uncomfortable before this started but now it can be especially painful. I am also always very sensitive and sometimes itchy after sex. All of the advice I have been able to find tells me that a women's orgasm is purely emotional and that I am most likey not reaching orgasm because I am not making an emotional connection. I love my boyfriend very much. We are both excellent when it comes communication in and out of the bedroom, but he is obviously becomming very frustrated with my condition. I don't believe that lack of emotional connection is the problem. Is there something physically wrong with me, and even though I didn't receive any pleasure beforehand, did starting birth control pills make it worse? Is there anything we can do to improve our sexlife?
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Answer:
by Beverly Whipple: (05/18/2004)
Each woman responds differently to different forms of sexual stimulation. It looks like you enjoy and have orgasm from oral stimulation of the clitoral area. It also seems that you and your boyfriend have good communication around the area of sexuality. Please keep up the good communication.
Your mention a number of areas. First of all, only about one third of women consistently have orgasm during intercourse. A number of suggestions can be offered if this is something you would like to do. First of all, there is a positive correlation with the strength of the pelvic floor (pubococcygeus) muscles and a woman's orgasmic response. Doing Kegel exercises each day helps to improve the strength of this muscle. You should do about 150 contractions and relaxations of this muscle a day. You mention that you have done the exercises but you don’t say if you do them daily and how often you do them.
You might also want to experiment with digital (finger) stimulation of the area of your Grafenberg or G spot. This is a sensitive area that is felt through the front, top or anterior wall of the vagina when you are lying on your back. It is felt halfway between the back of the pubic bone and the cervix along the course of the urethra. You boyfriend should use a “come here” motion with the palm of his hand up. The first sensation you may feel when this is stimulated is that you have to urinate. This sensation usually turns into a pleasurable feeling after a few seconds of continued stimulation. If you find this pleasurable, you may want to continue and you may even experience orgasm from this form of sexual stimulation. If so, then you may want to try positions of intercourse in which the penis is directed toward this area, such as the woman on top.
You also mention that you are not lubricating very much. This is not normal and it may be related to the birth control pill that you are using. You can either change the type of pill or use water based lubricants, such as ky jelly, Astroglide or Replens. Intercourse should not be painful. If it is, you may need to be examined to see if you have a vaginal infection. You also may be allergic to your boyfriends seminal fluid, which could be producing the itching feeling. Try using a male condom and see if you still have the itching. This is also not normal.
Your last point is that orgasm is all emotional. I don’t know where you heard this but orgasm is also physiological. Laboratory studies have demonstrated that women can experience orgasm for clitoral, G spot, cervical stimulation, as well as from imagery alone and stimulation of non-genital areas of their body. Women are capable of having a variety of orgasmic experiences from a variety of forms of stimulation. No one orgasm is better than another. Women are all unique individuals and have the capacity to experience sexual and sensual pleasure in many ways. You have to know yourself and what you find pleasurable and then communicate this to your partner.
Pain and itching are not normal. Please see you health care provider and be checked. Good luck.
Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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