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Question:
To the expert- I am a 17 year old female. I have always sort of had an aversion to touch, mostly not liking to be hugged by my grandparents. Now that I'm older and its normal (almost expected) that people my age are getting more intamate, its becoming clear to me that I might have a intamacy problem. This is my question to you. I have never been in a serious relationship. I have been diagnosed with minor depression and a form of OCD, where I pick at the skin on my face. I've been doing this for about 6 years- since i was 12 or so. It's an impulsive behavior similar to hair pulling or nail biting that has left scars and scabs on my face, back, stomach, arms, legs, hands, and pubic area (So you know- i have come out about my problem, and have begun to get help, although whats known about it is very little). This is what I am most afraid of- being comfortable with someone seeing or touching my scars. I'm afraid of people touching my scars, seeing them. I'm a very sexual person, I think about sex all the time (as i should! I'm 17) and I consider myself very open about it- i am not religious or anything; I was raised by two ex-hippies who own the Joy of Sex. It's sort of a paradox that while I'm experimenting in sexual thoughts and relationships, I'm afraid of even a close male (or female for that matter) friend rubbing my shoulder. I never show my stomach off, or wear tank tops, due to the scars that are there- and yes there are scars there... I probably do have a little bit of dismorphia about how bad the damage is, but scars do exist. I'm totally caught between two worlds- I really need to be touched- hugged, rubbed, anything- but then comes this huge problem with being touched. It's like being bulemic: incredibly hungry, but repulsed at the idea of food. Any insight or advice would be much appreciated. i have thought about possible causes or additional things that have aggrivated the problem. When I was 11 years old, I suffered from urinary infections, and to find the problem, I went through a lot of tests (and doctors) in the next 3 years- mostly involving cathaters and IVs. The word cathater gives me chills to this very day. Sorry so long, thank you!
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Answer:
by Wendy Maltz: ()
I recommend you consider seeing a licensed massage therapist on a regular basis for massage. Find someone in your area with an excellent reputation for sensitivity to skin and touch concerns. You might also take some dance classes. Once you experience being touched more, and realizing there are people who don't care about perfect skin (they tune into the person inside), touch will be easier. Learning to give massage might also help (many community colleges offer beginning massage classes). I assume you are pursuing therapy, breathwork and relaxation techniques, as these can help you change behavior tendencies on a deeper, more permanent basis. Skin is just a flimsy surface covering. Your true beauty, heart and soul lie within, and those are what are most important in intimate sharing. Good luck.
Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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