Register to join our community
|
|
Question:
Is it possible that i was sexually abused as a child and have no recollection of it? I am 27 years old and have always had painful intercourse. I have been asked in the past by nurse practitioners if I was molested as a child and my answer has always been no. It seems the more inimate I become with a partner, the more distant I become. This last summer I was married to an amazing man, but our sex life has taken a turn for the worse. This year has been difficult for us both, with the death of his mother and the death of my step-mother. And added to that, I have begun to have dreams that i was sexually molested. The first dream happened before the death of my step-mother. I was lying on a table, in my dream, surrounded by people. I could not see them nor could i see my face. I heard their voices and they were saying that i had no idea i had been molested. And after my step-mother died, I had another dream in which i was visited by ghosts and walked into a room full of children eating sandwiches with ketchup pouring out of the middle. After which i was appraoched by a "nurse" who was with my step-mother, who was mumbling. The nurse told me that my step-mother was still looking for her spine.
After this second dream, my problems have increased dramatically. I cannot have sex with my husband. Intimate touching makes me tense. I have panic attacks. I feel depressed and hate my body. Even before the dreams I was emotional after sex, usually crying. And if I did orgasm, which is unusual, i would feel nauseous.
I feel like I am going crazy. Is it possible I was molested and have no memory of the situation?
|
Answer:
by Larry Siegel: (06/14/2004)
Thank you for taking the time to write. I can certainly appreciate your situation and understand the concerns that you have. Is it possible to have been sexually abused and not have any recollection of it? This is a point of tremendous controversy in the field. In some cases, it might indeed be possible. There has been some evidence to show that a single, or few, instances that occur at a very young age can be blocked out of the person's conscious memory. Repeated and long-occurring episodes of abuse cannot be repressed, simply denied.
What you describe may be due to a repressed memory of abuse, but I would consider a comprehensive medical workup first. You say that you have always had pain during intercourse. This is a sexual disorder called dyspareunia. In the vast majority of cases, dyspareunia has a physical, not psychological, cause. It is possible that your becoming more distant the more intimate you become with a partner is related to the pain you experience during intercourse and the discomfort you experience with orgasm. This is not at all uncommon for women who experience this sexual disorder. As for your dreams, they may or may not mean anything (dreams don't always have meaning). It's also possible that the dreams are related to your questioning and being questioned about past sexual abuse that you may have repressed.
I understand that you are currently living in Japan, but it may be very helpful to seek out a sexologist/sex therapist to begin working on some of this. You can deal effectively with your sexual issues, regardless of whether you know what did or did not happen to you in your childhood. The work is usually done in the here-and-now. It would also be helpful to talk with someone about possible abuse issues. My personal recommendation would be to find someone who is open to, but skeptical about, the so-called repressed memory syndrome. You might have a better chance at a more accurate understanding of your past experiences.
I wish there was a definitive answer I could give you right now but, unfortunately, there's none that can be given. I know there are some good sex therapists in Japan. Look up a sex therapy or psychotherapy association in the city/province you're in and see if you can get a referral.
I wish you much luck, and I hope you are able to at least begin exploring these issues. In the meantime, perhaps you and your husband can focus more on the non-sexual forms of physical intimacy. It might be helpful to focus on affection, having no expectations, than on your sexual performance. This way, you don't have to anticipate pain or discomfort; you van be free to allow yourself to just feel good. The important thing is to allow yourself that opportunity.
Good luck and please feel free to write again if there's more we can help you with. Take care and be well.
Larry SiegelReviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
|
This question appears in the following topics:
|
|
|
|
