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Question:
Dear Doctor,

Please don't publish my personal information. I am infected with genital herpes since 1999. Although I consulted a doctor and after using some drugs it stopped the outbreaks for some times. He also advised me that it can spread while the outbreaks anyway I had outbreaks several times a year. I used acyclovir to prevent the outbreaks. I know this virus is inside of me and I thought my organism is the one who should fight against it. So I stopped using drugs in the period of outbreaks. Now I found out that when the blisters appear, they won’t spread on my skin anymore, even not growing and making wounds as before, heels the blisters faster than before.

I had a girl friend for last 2 years and she knew I have herpes, we had sex as usual but only when I didn't have any outbreaks. But she hadn't infected or may be her organism did not show any outbreaks. I am 29 years old male I am planning to marry, but I don't want to infect anyone.

My questions are.

1. If I marry someone, will she get infected? 2. Is it possible her to get concieved without infecting her self and the child? 3. Is this a very serious infection that I should hate my self? I am really depressed. Feeling like I ruined my whole life. 4. Are there any alternatives?

I believe you can help me.

Thank you

Depressed

Answer:
by Scott Gross: (06/14/2005)
Dear Depressed, I am sorry to hear you call yourself "Depressed", but I fully empathize with what you are experiencing. However, try your best not to despair because Herpes is a manageable disease and you are already taking many steps along that path. Getting married and having children together will not automatically infect your wife or children, but you need to take certain precautions to avoid infecting them, many of which you are already doing. Avoiding unprotected intercourse during your outbreaks is an excellent measure. In fact it is probably safest if you avoid intercourse or oral sex altogether when you are suffering from an outbreak. Latex condoms and the spermicide Nonoxynol-9 are very effective barriers to herpes transmission. Herpes cannot pass through latex and nonoxynol-9 kills the herpes virus. It is very important that you avoid unprotected oral sex during outbreaks and avoid touching the sores and then other parts of your body without first washing your hands with soap and water, especially the eyes. Herpes can be spread to other parts of the body like the mouth, throat, and eyes. As long as your wife does not become infected, there is no danger to your children during pregnancy or childbirth. You should not hate yourself for being infected with herpes. It is an inconvenience and a pain, but it is a manageable problem and something that you will have to learn to live with. The acyclovir you were taking can help prevent outbreaks and also help the heal them faster. I understand your reasoning if you don't wish to take the medicine, but it may help you manage the infection further. Outbreaks usually occur less often and are less serious as time goes on, so take good care of your body and be aware of your own warning signs that an outbreak is coming on. Taking warm baths, wearing loose clothing, and aspirin can help you manage the pain and discomfort of an outbreak. If you need help and support managing your stress and depression of living with herpes, I would recommend that you try calling the U.S. National Herpes Hotline at (919)-361-8488. They will be able to guide you to support groups and other resources to help you cope with herpes. You obviously have a very caring and supportive lover who cares about you as a person and not your disease. Love and care about yourself with the same degree of intensity. Your attitude and stress level will be very important in how successfully you are able to live with herpes. Keep your head up and live the good life; you will be ok as long as you take good care of yourself. I wish you the best of luck. If you have other questions please don't hesitate to ask them of us. Sincerely, Scott Gross

Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology

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