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Question:
I'm age 30 and recently becomng sexually active with my partner (age 37), she has admitted to "not feeling me inside of her during intercourse all the time." I know serveral things that may play into effect: 1. I have a control problem, meaning premature ejaculation, I'm working on that. (This still occurs after the first orgasm as well) 2. My penis is not very large, about 5" errect, is this the problem, does a women require longer to feel it inside her and consider this to be intercourse? 3. I have a lot less (very little) sexual experience than her, is it my technique, am I not entering her completely? Please let me know what I may do? If it is the size do these pill form remedies help? For example Vig-RX? Thank you so very much.

Answer:
by Blaise Parker:
(07/02/2004)
Hi,

Your question is similar to one I've answered before, and the first thing I would recommend is that you take a look at my answer here. That situation was involving a woman asking about her boyfriend who often slipped out of her during lovemaking--not quite the same issue, but similar.

To answer your question, I doubt that your premature ejaculation is causing this problem, although it is good that you are working on that. Premature ejaculation isn't necessarily a big deal (depending on the couple), but it can certainly cause a couple to have some sexual anxiety. There are a number of good techniques to help delay ejaculation, and any good sexuality therapist (or even a self-help book) can give you assistance in that area.

Size difference may be an issue in your girlfriend not being able to feel you inside of her, although I would not want you to assume that means you are "too small" or that she is "too big." As I said in my previous answer (linked above), people tend to be sensitive and worry a great deal about the size of their body parts and whether they are normal. I assure you that you are well within the normal range for penis size, and it is likely that your girlfriend is well within the normal range as well. (She may be a bit larger there if she has had children, as that is typical of women who have given birth, but that, too, is perfectly normal.)

Not all women need (or even enjoy) a large penis to feel satisfied with sex, although certainly there are some who enjoy that. If you think that size issues might be part of the problem, there are a few things I would suggest:

First, you cannot change your penis size through the use of pills. That has never been proven, and is just a waste of money. Don't bother with it.

Second, if your girlfriend knows how to use her kegal muscles, she may find that she can feel you inside her better if she contracts those muscles during sex. To give her an idea of where her kegal muscles are and how to use them, they are the same muscles she would use to stop the flow of urine if she was urinating.

It may also have something to do with sexual technique, and one thing that may help is trying a variety of sexual positions. Certain positions will help you penetrate her more deeply, such as doggy style. Do a web search for sexual positions and you will find there are hundreds of possibilities for you and she to experiment with. And it'll be fun, too! :)

Finally, keep in mind that a satisfying sex life isn't always about successful penetration each and every time. There are so many other ways to please one another in bed--oral sex, sex toys, etc.--that this need not be an issue that ends up ruining the relationship. Far too often society influences what we think we should do in the bedroom, but if you both relax and have fun, you may find that your sex life becomes more satisfying and enjoyable! :)

Good luck!

Blaise

Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team

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