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Question:
hello my name is kelly Im 20 and ive never had an orgasm nor have I ever masterbated ive been thinking about buying a vibrator which kind do you reccomend? and How do I use it ive never done it before help? My husband always orgasms within 5 and im getting pretty bored with the sex ,I feel that he does'nt try hard enough to pleasure me and that im wasting mty time having sex with him what should I do I love him Im just bored.
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Answer:
by Megan Andelloux: (06/02/2005)
Thanks for writing in! You've taken a big step towards improving your sex life! First off, many women don't have orgasms during penetration due to the lack of contact to the clitoris,the powerhouse of orgasms. If he isn't taking your needs into consideration by getting you off first, you need to take measures into your own hands! So, I would recommend starting with buying the one of the following books. Either Tickle Your Fancy by Sadie or Sex for One by Betty Dodson. These books will give you the lowdown on how to get yourself off. Make sure when you do start to masturbate, you have at least an hour to yourself and a relaxing atmosphere. Buy a "silver bullet" vibrator and some lubrication like Eros or Pink (available online or possibly at your local sex toy shop). Place a couple drops of lubrication on your clitoris and grab a sex fantasy book. There are tons of them out nowadays, available in the human sexuality section of your local bookstore. Turn your vibrator on and gently (at a low speed at first) trace it around your genitals as you read your book. As you become more and more aroused, rock your hips, breathe deep, turn the vibrator up a notch and enjoy the sensations! Once you get the hang of masturbating on your own, start to drop your hand down to your clitoris when your having sex with your husband, or, use the vibrator while he's in you. Just because a penis is in you doesn't mean you can't diddle with your clitoris. If he doesn't know how to touch you, teach him! Have an anatomy lesson on a Saturday night date! Most people aren't taught on how to pleasure women, so it probobly isn't that he doesn't care, but rather he doesn't know what to do.
Also, does your husband perform oral sex on you? If not, and it's because neither of you know what to do, you should buy the book She Comes First or rent Nina Hartley's video on Oral Sex and watch it together. Most women really respond well to oral stimulation and have orgasms while their partner is going down on them. If can take anywhere from 4-45 minutes to come, so be patient, but it's well worth the wait! And, if you have an orgasm first, you'll feel more pleasure while your partner is in you and no boredom! You are also more likely to have another orgasm if you have already had one. So, say bye bye to boredom baby and try the following out! Let me know how it goes! Good Luck!
Megan AndellouxReviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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