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Question:
Im a 21 year old gay guy, Ive been unable to have anal sex for about a half a year now..its way too painfull...I feel dry and sore all around my rectum and a little bit up into my anus...if I use a condom IT BURNS SO BAD...so I end up having unsafe sex...Im really tired of this..what is wrong with me

Answer:
by Larry Siegel: ()
Hi and thanks for writing in. I'm very sorry that it's taken me so long to get back to you. I understand your frustration at not being able to have the kind of sex you'd like to have. I hope you can appreciate that yours is a medical question that really can't be answered with out an actual exam by a doctor. It's impossible to tell you what's going on simply through an email. What you describe could be anything from not lubricating before being penetrated, a structural condition in your anus, allergic reactions to latex, lesions or adhesions, and numerous other possibilities. You did say that you end up having unsafe sex, so sexually transmitted infections can't really be ruled out either. I can't stress enough how important it is to have this checked out by a physician. Don't let it go any longer. I do want to respond to a comment you made, though. You indicated having a low sex drive. Was this before or after you began experiencing the pain? You also made reference to not being able to have sex. Though you might really enjoy being penetrated anally, there are many other ways of "having sex." De-focusing on your anus as the only source of sexual pleasuring may help in how you view having sex. It's often true that those who's sexual focus is entirely genital, or entirely anal, tend to experience far more sexual disappointments than those who have a much broader view. The expectation of disappointment (or pain) is often at the root of losing sexual desire. I wish you all the best and hope that you take care and resolve this issue soon. Be well. Larry Siegel

Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology

This question appears in the following topics:

Sexuality Education: Anal Sex