Autistic children are now taught that many answers can be 'right' - but for those who learned other more conformist ways of behaving in the past - to "fit in" and to "act normal" can find expectations to do things outside of what has already been learned as "RIGHT" can find that being given other choices is just too overwhelming.

However, all is not lost.

My suggestion is that in your own time, you get some explicit adult videos that clearly show a variety of foreplay and sexual techniques, and make note of the ones you like. These can be instructional or blue movies. The instructional ones may be better, but may not show the sexual detail. Have a chat to a local adult shop to find out what they can get for you.

Then watch the film/films together and tell him, "I'd like it if you would do THAT to me" - if he is clear about what-action-follows-what action, it may be less confusing.

He is trying desperately to please you, so introduce new techniques slowly, but make sure you emphasise that you like different things at different times. Like not eating the same meal over and over. Use analogies that he can easily relate to.

Likewise, ask him if he sees anything on the films that he would like to try. You never know, he may have some ideas you never knew about. There are also some wonderful books, but videos are far more instructional.

He may never have the emotional intensity or the automatic insight to your feelings that you desire. You may have to meet him halfway, after all, he has needs too.

Many girlfriends and wives of autistic men I speak to are unable to get their boyfriends or husbands to relate to them sexually, so you may be one of the luckier spouses.

Best Wishes,

Melissa BEE

Reviewed by: Scott Gross M. Ed.