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Question:
It is regarding my 15 year old daughter and how best to approach her sexuality as she has a steady boyfriend and I am very concerned about their relationship.

Answer:
by Konstance McCaffree: ()
It is really good that you are considering how to approach her because this is such an important time for her (and you.) You mention that you are very concerned about their relationship, and I think it is important to know just what about it concerns you. Are you concerned about their emotional closeness? Their involvement in sexual behaviors, possibly intercourse? His age or something about the boyfriend? Knowing what your concern is will help you. One piece of advice, do NOT forbid her to see him, or do anything in your relationship with her to push her away from you. That means, there are few cases where parents have "forbidden" the relationship that the child doesn't end up estranged and possibly further involved with the boyfriend. If you can have quality conversations, while shopping or out for lunch, or at some positive time with your daughter, about the relationship and how you can be helpful to her with it. She may not want to tell you much, but if you approach her without accusations or rules she will be more willing to talk with you. You certainly can talk with her about your concerns, and try to help her not get into permanent trouble such as pregnancy. If you can keep it a conversation where you respect her, and make sure she knows that she is supported even if you have your concerns. Kids can hear concerns, and learn from them as long as they also feel that their decisions and personhood is respected. Please feel free to write more on this as the situation progresses. I don't know if you are willing to help her talk about contraception if she should engage in intercourse, or other types of protection if they are just doing other types of behavior, but if you can, it might let her know that she needs to take responsibility if she is going to have that type of relationship. I look forward to hearing from you again.

Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology

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