Answer:
by Andrew T. Goldstein: (05/29/2004)
I am not sure I know what your question is. Do you want to know what causes a decreased sex drive, or do you want to know if a marriage without sex can last? Since I'm not sure I will try to answer both.
What Can Cause a Decreased Libido?
Low sex drive can be caused by a range of factors, which vary from one individual to the next. Fatigue, the daily responsibilities and multiple roles women often assume, relationship issues, and many possible psychological causes can impact a woman's sex drive. In addition, certain health conditions and medications can affect a woman's sexual desire. An imbalance or low levels in your “hormones of desire” (testosterone, estrogen, dopamine, oxytocin, DHEA) can lower sex drive. Too much of other hormone (serotonin, prolactin, progesterone, SHBG) can also decrease libido. Depression and anxiety disorders can interfere with sexual desire, but so can some of the drugs used to treat these conditions. Many antidepressants, in particular Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors, also called SSRIs (e.g.., Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft), have side effects that have a negative impact on women's libidos. In addition, birth control pills and other medications can decrease libido. The hormonal and physical changes associated with pregnancy, childbirth, and breast feeding can greatly interfere with a woman’s
I have found that for most women , a loss of libido cannot be attributed to one a single cause. Almost always, there are several contributing factors. While knowing your hormone levels is important, knowing how to make time to make love (and to relax-for that matter) is equally important. Any “treatment” for decreased libido that is only a “ a pill or “a cream”, is bound to fail for most women. This is not to say that certain medications, herbs and natural hormones are not useful. They are very useful combined with self-exploration, time management, stress relief, and couples counseling.
Due to the countless physical and emotional hurdles a women encounters (marriage, career, and childbirth- to name a few) her sexual desire may diminish. While this is unfortunate, it is very common. Currently, most psychiatrists and psychologists diagnose this experience as a psychiatric illness known as Hypoactive Desire Disorder. I believe, however, that this decreased desire is neither a diagnosable, nor a pathologic condition. I prefer to think of decreased libido as one of life’s great challenges. The challenge is to regain a healthy sex drive. At the same time, a woman can use this challenge to search for a deeper understanding of herself, her relationships, and her sexuality.
Can a marriage without sex last?
There are many types of marriages. Some marriages function like an ideal romance, some work more like a platonic friendship, others act like a business relationship. I believe that a marriage in which both partners know, and agree, to the spoken, or unspoken, “ground rules” can work. However, when one partner has different expectations than the other, then there is bound to be conflict. You describe such a situation. From the brief description of your marriage, it appears if you never had a strong desire for physical intimacy (sex) with your husband. Instead, you seem to treat your husband as if he were a business partner “I had sex with him to have a baby.” “ I control the money, I am very controlling.” It appears if he is unhappy with your lack of sex drive, but you are not. (From what you write, I am not sure that you desire to increase you sex drive.) If this is the case, (please realize that it is very difficult to evaluate a relationship from a few paragraphs) I feel that without couples counseling, you may have problems with your relationship in the future.
Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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