Answer:
by Melissa BEE: (06/05/2004)
There are no easy answers to this one. From my own life experiences and observations of others with autism (including my own two children) there are times when there seems to be a zero tolerance level for "things not being right" -- things that have changed, things that are unpredictable, people's unreliability and unpredictability. I've likened this feeling to walking along on a pavement that was waving and moving all over the place. You FEEL unsure, uncertain and sometimes unsafe. With increasing levels of anxiety and intensity of mood the autistic person can be quite moody or even volatile. So the tantrum or "explosion" by either child or adult is more of an anxiety relief mechanism in the same way the OCD persons compulsion drives them to do what they really don't want to, its a release valve. Sometimes the after effects (the peoples reactions or whatever in the aftermath of storm) are the only CONSCIOUS awareness that the person has of all this going on. As if this release has cleared the air. It doesn't make for harmonious relationships, but having an understanding parent, spouse or teacher who doesn't take these outbursts as personal attacks on their character are absolutely vital. Its like the tightly coiled spring that slaps back from time to time because of all the pent up energy. I've found that by getting involved with physical activity such as swimming or sport that I can release that pent up anger and energy in a more productive way, rather than taking it out on my long suffering spouse. I've found that this same methodology also helps my children. A weekend with some heavy-duty physical activity often means a weekend free of tantrums, and less mood swings and 'dramas' than a weekend without such an outlet.
Secondly, I remember clearly as a child finding great delight in 'pushing peoples buttons' in doing the opposite of what they wanted, on many occasions. If my mother called me, I'd ignore her. Sometimes I'd wait till she had wound herself into a frenzy before I'd respond. I was so good at pretending I couldn't hear her, she had my hearing thoroughly examined. I think I was five or six at the time. I have no idea why I behaved in this manner. I was also told that I was 'cool' or 'detached' as a young teen. I don't remember ever having the intelligence, or forethought to be manipulative, so it wasn't with any malice that I behaved that way. My mother accused me many times of deliberately antagonizing her, but there were many occasions when that was not the intent. I look back at my childhood and feel as if much of it was spent walking about in a fog.
Lastly, I had to learn [as a parent of a very difficult and almost uncontrollable autistic & ADD boy] that I had to find out what the triggers for certain behaviour were. Sometimes in avoiding the trigger, the tantrum was avoided. At that point 30-40 tantrums a day, screaming, hair tearing, breath holding, smashing any thing breakable in the house, tearing the fly wire out of doors and windows and escaping and constant head banging was his coping strategies. He carried on so much I had the Police and Family Services visit as the neighbors had wondered whether I was bashing him. At the time it was almost like a war, and I wanted him to be compliant and happy and I wasn't about to quit. I was doggedly persistent.
I also had to try and differentiate between what was 'normal' and what was 'autistic' behaviour. Now he is almost 13, I can detect it quickly and I can reason with him, but at the time, I could only do what I could. 90% of the tantrums were avoidable. Tantrums for no logical reason were punished, often by loss of privileges and occasionally by a good smack. I didn't let him time-out where he could reward himself (like toilet flushing) I'd send him to the bathroom instead of his room, where he couldn't "DO" anything, except sit and think about what he had been doing. Or I'd take precious toys or soothers away until I'd made sure his actions and the punishment had registered in his consciousness. My Aspergers' daughter, on the other hand (three years his junior) learned lessons like these ONCE. Sometimes my son had to have two or three punishments for the same offense before the cause-effect relationship became really clear to him. But for him, it is the way he learns - by repetition and consistency. Then he "gets it". My son forgets that I also have the same disability and same genetic makeup. I know how he thinks. So many times I thwart him, or pre-empt his behaviour. I laughingly said to him "I know YOU better than you do" He is still a "grump" and gets cranky when he can't have his own way, but with no 'audience' to perform for, he soon snaps out of it.
Best wishes,
Melissa BEE
Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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