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Question:
My husband and I have been married for 3 years. He sleeps on the couch and I sleep in my bedroom. We have not had sex for 3 years. He continually tells me he is going to the Doctor and never does. I have lost any desire for him. I am thinking of either leaving him or just having an affair every once on awhile. He refuses to come upstairs anymore. He says whats the use I can't do anything anyway. What do you suggest?
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Answer:
by Hussein Ghanem: (06/02/2004)
Fear of failure is an important propagating factor in Erectile Dysfunction (ED). Your husband is probably unaware that almost all causes of impotence whether psychologic or physical can be treated. He is not alone. ED is estimated to affect as many as 30 million men in the US. Surveys in the United Kingdom and France have estimated the overall prevalence of moderate-to-complete ED to range from 30% to 40%. Not only are the patients uninformed about the availability of treatment to almost every case of impotence, but also physicians are unaware of such modern diagnostics & therapeutics for this problem. Viagra is the most publicized line of treatment but certainly is not the only option. Recent studies showed that 85% of patients are reluctant to discuss this problem with their doctor.
Your husband needs medical evaluation to determine whether the problem is psychologic or physical and to determine the cause of the problem. Treatment includes first, second and third line treatment options. He might be frustrated due to failure of a one line of treatment. First line treatments include oral medications, psychosexual therapy and vacuum devices. Second line treatments include local (intracavernous) injections or urethral suppositories. Third line treatments are the surgical options.
An affair will certainly not resolve the problem but would ruin the marriage. If you and your husband are unable to agree on visiting a specialized sexual dysfunction clinic, then marriage counseling might be helpful.
Finally, I need to stress again that almost all causes of ED can be treated and no person should continue to suffer because of this dysfunction.
Best of luck. Hussein Ghanem MD
Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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