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Question:
I am a 56 year old post-menopausal woman with a healthy interest in sex. I have begun a serious relationship with a 66 year old man, who is also interested in having an intimate relationship. He is not able to have more than a very minimal erection if at all. He is on medication for blood pressure (had successful bypass surgery 5 years ago) & SRI medication (European brand-liquid serotonin). He just recently admitted that the blood pressure drug affects sex life, but he acts as if there is no problem. I don't want to make a problem, and create strife within the relationship. He disdains the idea of Viagara or anything similar. We have spent a week together & have other sexual activity, but nothing is very satisfying for me, and I don't know how to broach the subject without it escalating into a major conflict. We live in different countries & so have only so far spent a week together. A month long visit is approaching. He says the most important part of sex is in the mind, or how one thinks about it. True, but the body acting in concert is just as important. Any suggestions on how to begin a dialogue? We are talking of spending our lives together, & in every other way, the prospect is absolutely delightful to contemplate and to plan.
Thank you in advance,
Francoise
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Answer:
by Megan Andelloux: (06/16/2005)
Big question, and a very important one. He's right, the blood pressure meds he's on effect blood flow to the penis. He states that the most important part of sex is in the mind? You are already off to a great start. Consider it a blessing that he is not so focused on his penis. Experiment with oral sex, fingering, dildo's, stroking each other. He can have a orgasm without being erect too, so just because he isn't hard doesn't mean hands off. Play with his penis, even when it's soft, go visit a sex toy shop and pick out a dildo you would like him to use on you. You can get the feeling of fullness with a dildo that he can use with his hands. Experiment with genital massaging on each other. Enjoy the oral sex! Get the GUIDE TO GETTING IT ON (a fabulous book at most book stores) and read it together. Watch a porn together, masturbate in front of one another as you watch it. You have endless possibilities ahead of you with this man. He seems open and willing to talk about how to have a great sex life, you just need to take the bait. A simple way to start the conversation is by watching a porn together and pointing out things you would like him to do to you. Blindfold him and drive him to the nearest sex toy shoppe and tell him he can buy 1 thing of his choice. Buy the Guide to Getting It On and read it together.
You are one lucky lady, enjoy that month long visit and all the possibilites that lay ahead of you with this man!
Thanks for writing in and good luck!
Megan AndellouxReviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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