Answer:
by Konstance McCaffree: (07/01/2004)
These are all wonderful questions, and all based on myths! So let me try to clear them up for you. First of all, many women do not bleed the first time, and I get questions from women who bleed EVERY time they engage in intercourse or even when they engage in fingering. The reason a woman would bleed is that the capillaries which are tiny little blood vessels located on the surface of the skin all around the genital area both inside and out of the vagina, carry blood to the area during sexual arousal. When there is really heavy thrusting or rubbing action sometimes the skin is rubbed just enough to cause there to be some bleeding. As I said earlier, this can happen over and over again in some females, and they are very disturbed by it. Eventually the skin often gets used to the rubbing/thrusting or touching and becomes harder to disrupt and cause bleeding.
Popping the cherry is the term most often used to the breaking or tearing of the tiny thin skin that surrounds the opening of the vagina in a woman who has not delivered a baby. This tiny skin in the myths is believed to cover the opening of the vagina like a drum skin covers a drum, but it couldn't or there wouldn't be an opening through which she could bleed for her period. The skin actually just surrounds the opening and during intercourse the skin gets stretched to the side or "broken" which sometimes causes it to bleed since the blood vessels are disturbed by the action or the width of the penis (notice not the length of the penis). There really isn't anything called a cherry, it is just a phrase that men developed to say when they had entered a virgin for the first time; sometimes she bleeds, and it hurts (like the "pop") but much of the time especially when it is done slowly and with a water-based lubricant (which is what modern young couples use now) there is nothing but a little pressure that the woman must deal with. As I said earlier the tissue that gets pushed to the side surrounds the opening of the vagina.
And to answer your third concern. Penis length has nothing to do with any of this. Another myth for men to worry about. The length of the penis really isn't involved in most issues around the pleasures of sexual intercourse. If anything, it is the width of the penis and that is controlled more by the amount of blood flow into the penis when a man is sexually aroused. If he is very aroused the penis gets very rigid and enters better pulling the erotic tissue around the clitoris with it a little and thus stimulating pleasure in the partner.
For most women, the length is never a concern except when it is too long and when they have sex laying on their back the penis rams into the bottom of their uterus (cervix) and hurts. So, as you can see there is much to be learned about what pleasures a partner, and I suggest you keep asking questions so that you learn what is real and not what the myths are that get passed around. Unfortunately in the US there is so much misinformation because people don't talk and educate about this that many people are nervous or have unsatisfactory sex lives because they think something is wrong with them.
For you and your partner, what you need to do is explore together and talk about what is feeling good. Try different things, use lubricants and figure out how to touch each other so there is great pleasure and not worry.
Thanks for writing and feel free to ask more questions if you have them.Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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