Register to join our community
|
|
Question:
Hello dr., here is my problem, Im a 21 year old completely heterosexual male who has a problem since maybe 16 years old, I have these fanatasies when I masturbate about being with another man and its killing me. Sometimes I have regular fantasies with women wich is cool but then I get those with men and I'm the women in these fantasies, its absolutely killing me, its something I cant understand I mean I perform fine during sex with women but lateley I've been getting these anxiety attacks before intercourse because of those gay fantasies I've been getting, what it is is that im getting scared that this problem might get more intense and I'm probably not going to be able to be with any girls, and I'm telling you, I love girls, I've never been attracted to guys, this problem is absolutely weird I just need to understand it, it may not leave out of my body because this is a psychological problem but at least I dont want it to interrupt my sexual activities with the women, I just need to understand this problem and if you've heard of this before. If ur not busy please respond to back to me. I've never said this to anyone but "I NEED HELP", ur words might just give me a little bit of comfort. THANK YOU!!!!!
|
Answer:
by Larry Siegel: (05/18/2004)
I'm glad you took the time to write in and ask for help with your situation. It's important not to let these things build up and try to deny them. Let me assure you, right off the bat, of 2 things: 1) yes, I have heard of this many times before, and 2) you are perfectly normal in having these fantasies. It is common for both men and women to have fantasies of the same sex. Sometimes it can mean an inclination toward bisexuality (you can still "love girls") and other times it doesn't have to mean anything at all, other than a curiosity or escape from your own reality. The beauty of fantasies is that they are things that (usually) just stay inside people's heads. As far as fantasizing goes, there's really no such thing as a bad fantasy, especially if there is no intention to try to bring the fantasy into real life.
You say you have fantasies where you're the woman; this is also not uncommon. Often times, it is more of a fantasy of giving up control/being passive than anything to do with homosexuality.
Stop worrying about why you have these fantasies. If you enjoy them when you're having them, allow yourself to continue to do so. Remember, fantasizing about something does not necessarily mean you want to make it happen. It may also be helpful to find a sex therapist or counselor in your area that you can speak with further. Of course, I can also be contacted via Keen.com as well if you would like to schedule a phone session.
I hope this was able to offer you some understanding and, perhaps, a little comfort. Take care and be well.
Larry Siegel
Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
|
This question appears in the following topics:
|
|
|
|
