First, let me apologize for the delay in answering your question.

You want to know if your husband might be gay or bisexual. I will say again, as I have before, that this is a very difficult question to answer, and that I'm not sure anyone can "diagnose" anyone else's sexual orientation. (Many professionals would disagree with me, of course, but that is my perspective.)

It sounds like your husband is definitely sexually attracted to the idea of sex with another man, and that he has even tried it in the past. This is one possible indicator of bisexuality, to be sure.

On the other hand, it doesn't seem likely to me that your husband is gay (although I don't entirely discount the possibility). If he is physically aroused with you and if he can honestly tell you that he enjoys sex with you, it doesn't seem likely that he is gay. (Of course, that question of honesty is always difficult, since he may not even know his feelings yet.)

I would say that the question of whether your husband is bisexual or gay is less important than the question of how you will feel about it and what you will choose to do. It does you little good to worry about your husband's sexual orientation, as you cannot change that. Instead, ask yourself the following questions. Can you accept it if your husband is bisexual? Would you be willing to have an open relationship if he wanted one? Will you be able to support him if he goes through the difficult process of coming out? And are you taking care of your own needs in this relationship?

I would suggest you give these questions some serious thought if your husband thinks he might be bisexual. You may wish to speak with an individual or couple's therapist if he does decide to identify as bisexual, or to experiment with men sexually.

Good luck,

Blaise

Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team