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Question:
Ok, I'm an 18 year old male and have had a hard time getting an erection when I'm with a girl. I know I'm not gay or anything, I am very attracted to women, but I have developed a major performance anxiety problem. This was after a not so good sexual experiance. This problem has led to me not even seeking the company of women. Is there a way I can get my confedence back, or get around this???

Answer:
by Konstance McCaffree: ()
I don't know whether it will make you feel any better but many men have a similar problem. And you accurately identified the cause - performance anxiety. Once a man loses an erection at a crucial time with a partner, he then fears it will happen again. The next time he is with someone he fears it and it happens. A self-fulfilling prophesy. What you probably need to do is not attempt to have intercourse until you are with someone you have developed a very open and genuine relationship with. Once you get to know one another well, and begin having a sexual relationship you can share that in the past you have had fears about maintaining an erection. Once you talk about it, it can relieve the fear, especially if you involve your partner in the lovemaking. If you put too much pressure on yourself to have to be the one who directs all the sex, and that you must have an erect penis to have sex, you then are taking all the responsibility on yourself. You need to know that having good sex is really up to both partners, and how they pleasure one another. Most women have more pleasure from the touching to orgasm, than through anything the penis does, so doing all kinds of pleasuring through touching each other may help you both enjoy it more. Sometimes partners will perform all kinds of erotic pleasures with mouth, fingers and body that will create lots of arousal of the penis. So, learn various ways of pleasuring that don't just involve that one behavior and an erect penis. You will both enjoy it more if you find many ways to create orgasm and other pleasures.

Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology

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