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Question:
Never had much of a sex life. Remained a virgin until age 33. College educated economically sound not even a bad looking guy, just wasn't in the cards for me . Well one day a beautiful friend from my past came to see me and I fell head over heels in love with her. She approached me to begin with and she appeared cultured and was from rich family. Nicest person I had ever met. Well it soon lead to my first sexual encounter and although I was very able to stay erect I never recieved enough stimulation to come to orgasm. It was embarrassing. Well she was kind and said it will happen in time. Later I found she was not as she appeared but was actually a prescription drug addict (the first thirty days she was here she was no doubt the finest person I ever laid eyes upon but things started to fall apart) She had been cut off from her trust fund and all for some very bad things she had done.) I did not care about her money, but I was seeing the person whom I loved so much disappear. One night while she was giving me oral sex, I think she had taken too much pain medicine and she feel asleep and bit me so hard I bled after that I was not able to perform at all. She left me after she stole some pills from a neighbor I did not find out til after she left and never saw her again. She is definitely a person with issues. Well needless to said I guess I am scared of relationships although I try to get over it. This was not what I expected from my first time. After that I am able to bring myself to orgasm through masturbation, but with other partners I slowly lose erection. Probably a candidate for over masturbation. Oral sex and vaginal stimulation are not enough to keep me erect. Also it is very hard for me to have an orgasm in any other position other than lying on my back. I do not believe I am as sensitive as when I was younger and I also believe I have problems steeming from this terrible expierience. I have read where some herbs such as Siberian Ginseng help with over masturbation problems. I know this is a complicated problem which contains psychological as well as physical aspects. Any advice would be appreciated.
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Answer:
by Wendy Maltz: (06/05/2004)
This question is not really in Wendy's area of expertise but it sounds like you could benefit from a session or two with a sex counselor or therapist. They can take a health and sexual history and then help you sort out psychological from physical. They can also do some work around relationships. The person you "fell head over heals for" was someone you imagined, not the real person. You got to know the real person and your fantasy of who she was disappeared. As far as the herbal remedy you ask about, I cannot recommend that you take it. My opinion is that your money is better spent on a counselor who can help you understand more about yourself and grow sexually.
Best of Luck,
Mitchell Tepper, PhD, MPH
Founder and PresidentReviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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