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Question:
My ex-girlfriend and I are going though a bad breakup over the fact that I get little help with housework and caring for our year and half old son. The other day she came across a male sex toy used during masterbation to simulate a vagina. I had bought it in Florida because I didn't know how long I was going to be away for a family emergency. I never touched it again when I got home because I was with my girl again. She flipped out and started bawling. She told me that she thought it was discusting and it made her sick to think about me masturbating with it. I said I thought it would be better than cheating on her with some other girl. She said she would've preferred that because then it'll have been with a real person.

She went on saying how she already feels bad about herself because she's gained weight and has strech marks from being pregnant with our son. She kept saying how she never thought I would do something like this, and how she thought she knew me. She made me feel horrible about it and ashamed. It was like I slept with her best friend or or her sister. It's been days later and I still feel horrible about it. Was it wrong to have done what I did? It feels like I commited the ultimit sin now.

Answer:
by Annette Owens: (07/02/2004)
You did absolutely nothing wrong! Many people enjoy using sex toys and there is nothing wrong with using them. Many couples also enjoy using them together. I consider using sex toys a completely normal activity (as long as no one is hurt emotionally or physically).

I also agree with you, when you say "I said I thought it would be better than cheating on her with some other girl."

Your girlfriend sounds as if she is not feeling very good about herself right now. Have you two tried to seek help from a counselor? A third person may be able to help you to improve your relationship.

Good luck,

Annette Owens, MD PhD

Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team

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