You said that you sometimes use lubricant, but that you think you should be able to lubricate on your own. I would advise you to always use lubricant, otherwise there is too much friction and you will both get sore.

Your boyfriend’s sex drive is higher than yours and this hinders your ability to enjoy sex. Have a frank discussion with him about this. Many couples solve this problem by allowing the higher sex drive partner to masturbate at times when the other partner does not feel like having sex. Masturbation is a good way of releasing sexual tension.

Your final piece of information, which you gave me outside of your posted question is important: You are able to get aroused and to orgasm during bondage. You and your boyfriend both seem to enjoy bondage regularly. There is nothing wrong with this and I would encourage you to continue to enjoy this form of lovemaking. One of our experts, Gloria Brame, PhD, MPH, focuses specifically on this issue and you may find some useful tips on her page and in her archive of questions (see link on right hand side).

Finally, there is nothing wrong with using fantasies to get to orgasm when you are with your partner. A good book on women’s sexual fantasies is Private Thoughts by Wendy Maltz and Suzie Boss (see links on the right hand side to this book and to my book review).

I hope that this information at least helps a little bit. Best wishes,

Annette Owens, MD PhD

Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team