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Question:
I am in love with a man who is has problems with physical intimacy and emotional intimacy. I read through the article on problems of inexperience and shyness and the IPSA and AASECT orgs. Is it possible for a compassionate, intelligent, mature partner to help someone they love to overcome these problems without a sex surrogate? And what books would you recommend I read to do this?

Answer:
by Annette Owens:
(05/26/2004)
Yes, you can work towards overcoming the problems without a sexual surrogate. During this process the two of you might benefit from seeing a sex therapist for couples therapy. You may need help making your relationship intimate between the two of you, and a sex therapist may be able to help you a great deal. The American Association for Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) can help you locate someone near you. Otherwise, ask your physician for a referral. A very good book I can recommend to both of you is "Passionate Marriage" by David Schnarch. It gets right to the heart of how to increase intimacy in sexual relationships. How motivated is your partner to work on his issues with intimacy? It does not help if only you read the books. He needs to take an active role and you can assist him in overcoming his problems with intimacy. Your support is important but it takes an effort from him as well. Good luck and all the best! Annette Owens, MD PhD

Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team

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