Register to join our community
|
|
Question:
Hello, I am a soon to be step mom of a young 16 yr old boy who has moderate to severe cerebral palsy. I am also a mother of 3 teenage girls, 17,14,10. There are a few issues that my finace',my girls as well as myself are tyring to understand and come to an agreement on. This young boy is very determined to practice acts of self enjoyment openly (laying in the floor,sitting in a chair, laying on the couch, and trying to sneek into other rooms to use my girls beds. This has become a very sensitive subject in our home. For months now I have tried to research and understand what this child needs to help him with this issue. There are numerous times this young boy has been addressed by giving him talks and changing the situation. Unfortunately, this does no good, and in return he will continue when we leave his sight. This child seems to know that what he is doing is wrong, he turns red in the face when he is caught in the act, and also looks up in anger and tells us to leave him alone. His father and I have discussed this in detail. My thoughts, I do not agree with this child taking self pleasure infront of anyone. And considering he can not control this type of action,I do not think he should be allowed to conduct this practice at all. I have spoken w/ this childs father (my fiance) about seeking help from a doctor. He is very much against having his son on medication for this. Before moving in together, this young boy would go to his own room and spend "hours" performing this action, until he practically got tired and went to sleep. We would wake up in the morning, and his diaper would be shredded all over the floor. He father would get extremlly agry, but simply refused to try to stop it.This is very difficult for me and my girls to endure. Is there some information you could provide to help me/us understand what needs to be done to benifit the entire family?
|
Answer:
by Konstance McCaffree: (05/20/2007)
I applaud you for reaching out and seeking information on this matter. I think it is very important to address this issue for the sake of everyone in your new blended family.
It is important that you find a way of working together with your fiancée to resolve this issue.
The boy- You do not mention in your question any professionals who are treating this boy. Members of this team are a good source of information and guidance on how to address this issue. They can give you guidance on how to create a system of reward and punishment for masturbating in the appropriate location without the need for a meeting. Since the boy has done it before, as you described at the end of your letter, I assume he can relearn it. The issue with the diaper may be resolved by a conversation about masturbation technique delivered by a member of the care team. He can be taught to use lubricant and wet wipes to clean himself.
The fact that the boy is feeling shame when found masturbating is not unique to children with CP. The problem with masturbation is not the act itself but learning where and when it is appropriate. To clarify my point let me give you an example. Urinating is not wrong but urinating in the middle of a movie theater is not acceptable.
Since this boy discovered a source of pleasure that he can control I think he will continue to masturbate. He will especially need to know more about appropriate places as he grows older and begins to have even stronger needs to relieve his sexual feelings. Prohibiting masturbation will lead to further antagonism and conflict in your family. Remember this is one behavior that children can control and that gives them pleasure.
The girls- It is important to make your home a safe place for them so that they can invite friends and be supportive of your coming marriage. Until the boy learns more about appropriate places, I suggest you provide the girls with ways of securing their private space from intrusion (locks on the door for example) and it is important that you insure them that you are addressing this issue. It’s important to listen to their feelings.
For all of you I recommend participating in appropriate forums of information exchange and emotional support that are available on line and in person. You may want to contact sex therapists or other sexuality professionals who work with various chronic conditions. www.aasect.org provides a list of some in each state in the U.S. so you may find someone near you who can recommend help for you.
Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
|
This question appears in the following topics:
|
|
|
|
