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A Short Lexicon of BDSM Terminology
(05/04/2004) by Dr. Gloria G. Brame
Excerpted from COME HITHER: A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex (Simon &
Schuster, 2000)
By Dr. Gloria G. Brame
Adult Babies: also known as AB's or infantilists, are people who get erotic
and emotional pleasure from wearing diapers or acting like babies.
Ageplay: when one partner assumes the role of the adult in the relationship
and the other assumes the role of the child. Ageplay is usually roleplay only
but some couples extend it to a lifestyle and remain in role with each other
at all times.
BDSM Acronym which combines several terms for kinky sex: Bondage & Discipline
(or B&D), Dominance & Submission (D&S or D/S), and Sadomasochism (S&M, SM, or
S/M).
Body modification: this includes tattooing, branding, corsetting, piercing,
binding or distending flesh, cutting, and any other things people do to alter
their body in primitive ways.
Bottom: person who receives pain or bondage in an SM scene, but who may or
may not have a power relationship with the top. Also used as a verb ("to
bottom").
D&S: also known as Sexual Dominance and Submission, sometimes called "Power
Relationships." D&S refers to relationships based on a consensual power
exchange, where one partner dominates and the other submits.
Dominant: a woman or man who assumes sexual (and possibly more far-reaching)
control over a submissive partner.
Gender dysphoria: the clinical term for people who feel unhappy in their
biological sex.
Limits: the basic set of physical or other limits that the bottom sets during
negotiation. For example, if a bottom does not like anything more painful
than erotic spanking, she may set a pain "limit" that rules out whippings and
other intense stimuli.
Masochism: in a BDSM context, it is the enjoyment of extreme sensation.
Master/Mistress: a master is a male dominant; a mistress is a female
dominant. Masters and Mistresses (as opposed to tops) have power exchange
relationships with their partners.
Negotiation: the art and science of reaching a clear, consensual agreement
with your adult partner about the type of relationship you will have and the
kinds of kinky things you will do together. The negotiation process lasts as
long as the couple needs to hammer these things out--it could be days, weeks,
months or even years. Couples also may re-negotiate terms periodically as
their relationship evolves and their needs change.
Sadism: in a BDSM context, it is the enjoyment of giving extreme sensation.
Safe, Sane and Consensual (or Safe, Sane, and Mutually Consensual): the
fundamental ethical standard of BDSMers. It means that all activity between
adults should be "safe" (no form of pain or stimulation that causes harm),
"sane" (with respect for both body and mind), and consensual (all partners
involved are adults who are able to give informed consent).
Safe Word: also called stop word, stop code, safety code. This is a word or
expression that partners agree upon which gives the bottom the right to stop
the action. A "safe gesture" is used if the submissive or bottom is gagged or
otherwise incapable of speaking.
Sissy: a submissive male cross-dresser. A "sissy maid" is a male who enjoys
being cross-dressed in a maid's uniform, and performing household duties for
his dominant.
Slave: someone who has made a commitment to surrender sexual control to a
dominant. In lifestyle slavery, the slave commits to a total power exchange
in which the dominant's control goes beyond the realm of sex and enters daily
affairs.
Slave contract: a document written cooperatively by the dominant and the
submissive in which the negotiated terms of their relationship are set out in
clear language. Contracts are usually term-limited: 3 months, 6 months, a
year. Some couples sign permanent contracts, vowing a lifetime commitment.
Subspace: the euphoric, detached state that submissives experience during
BDSM.
Switch: someone who enjoys both top and bottom roles. It can apply to someone
who switches roles with one partner (sometimes being on top, sometimes being
on bottom); or to someone who switches according to the natural dynamic
between several partners (for example, someone may be exclusively dominant
with one partner and exclusively submissive with a different partner). Also
includes people who primarily take one role, but will switch on special
occasions or with certain people only.
Top: person who gives pain or bondage in an SM scene, but who may or may not
have a power relationship with the bottom. Also used as a verb ("to top").
Transvestite: also known as TV or cross-dresser, and sometimes abbreviated to
"X-dresser" in writing. Someone (usually male), who finds emotional and/or
erotic gratification wearing opposite- sex clothing. Many, but not all,
transvestites are aroused by the clothes and shoes themselves. It is
estimated that roughly 2-3% of all men cross-dress. Some clinicians estimate
that as much as 98% of all cross-dressers are heterosexual men.
Water Sports: a general category which includes golden showers (urophilia and
urolagnia) and enemas (klismaphilia).
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